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[cosmic_celery]

I'm still feeling completely stressed out by my Physics class because the simple algebraic stuff that I'm supposed to have a handle on by now is still difficult for me...and some of it I'm going to have to look up just to know what the fuck it is. I just really hate feeling stupid. Even if it is something I can figure out with time, that it doesn't come easy just rankles. I can't mention having any sort of trouble to my mom either, because her immediate response is to suggest I get a tutor. No, I don't need a tutor. I just need her to tell me I'm smart enough to do it without one. It's the same issue I have when I'm dealing with my people issues. I don't want to see a professional. I want to be with people that actually care about me.

My dreams have been more disturbing than usual lately. Last night I dreamt that I deliberately burnt down a house (or maybe it was a school) and the fire killed a couple people inside, including a girl's father. Then the girl came and tried to kill me in revenge. The other night I dreamt about getting attacked and held down (I blame my self-defense class for that one) by one guy in my own house...which was this huge, open, white house full of stark angles. And around somewhere was this angel of a guy...super pale skin and a halo of golden hair, and he almost glowed to look at. I never talked to him.

The images are just sticking with me and bothering me more than they normally might. I don't know if it's the images themselves, or just the violence and the feeling of helplessness. In general I just feel a bit unstable and a feel like a complete pansy for feeling like that. Because what the fuck am I getting upset about? This is nothing compared to the shit other people have to deal with.

My instinct right now is to just quit everything and hide away until I start growing mold.

Comments

[ohliamylia.livejournal.com]

I feel you on the feeling stupid, because I'm very much a "blarg no I can do this myself B|" person, even when... I kind of can't do it myself. Woo, pride!

That said, if you ever need physics help, I'm not half bad at it, but I'm good at... explaining confusing things in a way that makes sense? If that helps. (My dad's a freaking physics genius, I stole inherited it from him.)

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess the dreams have a lot to do with stress (ikr, no way, you, stressed?). idk what to suggest there, except maybe investing in a massage pillow. This dream meanings site informs me that a burning house "indicates that you need to undergo some transformation.". ... Well, there you go, problem solved.

[cosmic-celery.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot for the offer of help. I've decided to drop the class and already I feel at least 50% more sane. I think if I approach it later with more time and a better teacher I'll be able to manage it without feeling like I'm going to spontaneously implode.

Nonetheless, you may still get random physics questions from me. XD Ha, or I could just ask my dad, who's an engineer. (Sadly, I didn't inherit any of his math skillz)