New year, new blog.

It seems like I start one of these every January and then give it up soon after. It's not even a new year's resolution. Just a need to record that somehow surfaces and then is gone just as suddenly.

The need to record comes with an intense guttural desire to be legendary. Not famous really, just known for doing something great or unbelievable. I may be unique in this respect. I have heard people say that they desire to be famous and I have heard people say that they desire money or to be great at one particular thing or another, but nobody's ever said that they'd like to be legend. Even a regional legend would be alright with me. Enough for people to whisper excitedly "Oh, you don't know? well, I'll tell you!" 

At the moment I don't see it easily happening, but there's enough of a distant gnaw at my insides when I think about it to make me hope for something notable. And the even greater hope that it's not "Most embarrassing death."

Lets go over the facts so far:

I have somewhat abandoned my ambitions towards acting in favor of writing. My feelings about this are a bit muddied, because I do love acting, but the life of an actor isn't one I think I can follow without becoming horribly depressed on a regular basis. Writing, while still a business dealing with rejection, is something I feel I can deal with. It is somewhat easier, I think, dealing with rejection when you are judged by talent only instead of the shape of your nose or other somesuch nonsense.

My acting skills have recently been put to good use reading my own work. My creative writing teacher last semester (an adorkable man) picked me and two others from the class to be part of a student reading. It was one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had at college so far and gave me hope for my future in writing.

Besides writing, my schooling hasn't been very successful. Despite being a  ready learner, I have never studied, and that has begun to catch up on me now that I've begun to run into subjects that I have trouble learning.  I sometimes skip assignments that I am not interested in. At this rate, I fear I may never get into an actual college once I finish at the community level.

There is a possibily that, by some definition, I have Schizoid personality disorder. This is a disorder characterized above all by the avoidance of people. It is true that I barely have friends. By any normal person's definition of the word, it would be said that I don't have any, but there are a few people that I occasionally confide in. These are the people I trust enough to know more about me, and that makes them friends, even if I don't see them often, or ever.

I enjoy being a solitary person, and don't see that changing any time soon. I think it would be nice to have someone to share writing with, though, for editing and discussion. That would be nice.

My new year's resolution, if I have one, is to start a book selling business online. I have enough know-how and love of the product to get me through the learning stages unscathed, and hopefully at the end of it all I'll have more than a few pennies to rub together. That is, If I don't end up keeping all the books that I buy.

Ok, enough for now.

Let's see how this goes, shall we?