Fanfic: Code

[cosmic_celery]

Title: Code
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Summary: Lister has a question, Rimmer has a chart.
Alternate link: Red Dwarf slash comm
Length: 495



“D’ya ever worry about being dead?” Lister leaned back in his chair and watched Rimmer meticulously paint his latest project – a chart of the various dangers they had encountered, ranked by both frequency (from blue for once, to red for everyday occurrences) and likelihood that whatever it was might suck out your brain with a straw (the color getting brighter with increased danger). Rimmer was currently painting a box labeled ‘Lister’s socks’ an even, medium red.
“I already am dead, Listy. Did you forget?”
“Tha’s not what I mean…I mean…” Rimmer spared him an irritated glance.
“What?”
“Forget it.” They sat in silence for a moment. Rimmer shaded in the box from its edges. “Just…”
“What!”
“How real can a hologram really be?” Rimmer gave him a look that he hoped conveyed a hundred different levels of don’t-go-there, but it just came out as a particularly nasty glare. “I mean…Are you always such a smeghead because that’s what you are, or because that’s who the computer thinks you are?”
Rimmer frowned and became suddenly and intensely interested in his work. He picked up a smaller brush, dipped it into a teacup filled with re-cyc water before rolling it gently through the red section of his watercolor set. Hunched over the chart, he gave the ‘Lister’s socks’ box a fine, bright red frame and slowly outlined each letter of the label.
“I mean, I knew ya were always a smeghead, but--”
“That’s a stupid question, Lister.”
“Is it?”

Rimmer made a sweeping gesture as he sat up to face Lister, causing one of his paintbrushes to roll off and land on the floor. “Yes! Yes, it is! It’s stupid, and idiotic, and…stupid! And I have more important things to do than answer your stupid questions.”
“Like painting charts?”
“Yes! Like painting charts! This is going to be very useful, Lister. You could do to come up with something like this.”
Lister leaned forward and read the title. “Dangers and their Frequencies. Yeah, Rimmer, I’ll be sure to consult that the next time we’re running from a homicidal psychopath.”
Rimmer raised a pointed finger at Lister.
“Look--”
“Look” Lister interrupted, standing, “I’m going to go see what Kryten’s up to. You’re free to come if you want.”
“No, thanks. Some of us have better things to do than chat with Kryten about the finer points of toilet maintenance.” He bent to pick up the fallen paintbrush and watched Lister’s feet as they made their way out of the room. He set the recovered paintbrush on the table and looked over his nearly complete chart. It really did look quite impressive.

He started work on a new box situated in a blank spot near the bottom right of the chart. This one would be light red: low danger, but frequent. He picked up the smaller brush, rolled it through the red section of his watercolor set, and wrote in small, precise strokes the phrase ‘bad dreams’.

Comments

[sweet-panda.livejournal.com]

Awwwww. *snuggles Rimmer* This is so something I could see happening.